Because Sometimes Folks Just Need to Get Punched: 7 Quick Takes XXXVII

. . . by a Saint

Happy St. Nicholas Day!

Think Santa is all pipe-smoking and belly-laughs? Think again. Dude totally punched a heretic in the face AT THE COUNCIL OF NICEA!

Seriously, you're going to want to read all about it here:

When Santa Punched a Heretic in the Face: 13 Memes on St. Nicholas

We put our shoes out Thursday night for St. Nicholas.

I've noticed some concern on facebook about how to deal with the St. Nicholas/December 6th vs Santa Claus/December 25th thing.

There are of course lots of different ways to do it, but here's what we do: the names St. Nicholas and Santa Claus are interchangeable. After all, one is just a translation of the other. Since Santa is a saint, he lives in Heaven with Jesus, but he has a workshop located at the North Pole, which is where the elves live and work. He comes around for everyone on December 25th, to celebrate Jesus' birthday, but for families who are WAITING and observing advent, he also comes by on December 6th, just for an attaboy. 'Cause he's cool like that.

We put out shoes and the kids get a couple of pieces of candy and a small toy. And this year a book, because our collection needed work.

Speaking of books, we have The Baker's Dozen, which is a great St. Nicholas story (the kindle version is only a penny today!), and The Miracle of St. Nicholas, which is a great story, but not about St. Nicholas, but I always read The Legend of St. Nicholas (available online at St. Nicholas Center) to the kids on St. Nicholas Day, because I love me some old timey kids stories wherein little boys who wander off against the rules get chopped up and put in a barrel. Pay attention children.

Don't worry, there's a happy ending. And if you've ever wondered why St. Nicholas holy cards include three naked little boys in a barrel, this will explain it.

. . . by Pope Francis?

Now I can't say for SURE that he ever punched anyone, but Pope Francis recently revealed that he used to work as a bouncer at a nightclub in Buenos Aires. I did NOT see that coming.

Read the details here: Pope Francis Was A Nightclub Bouncer

First Ashton Kutcher, and that guy from Dirty Jobs, now the Pope, I really love the awareness folks are trying to create among today's youth that they are are not "better" than a particular job.

I also love the manliness of a Pope who used to be a bouncer! How tough do we look now?!

. . . for Christmas

So, this is what the husband is giving the boys for Christmas.

To help with their conflict resolution skills. Can you tell he went to an all boys' school?

. . . by me. While I'm in labor.

Well, not quite, but . . .

I have tried not to write this. I have spent all week trying not to write this. But then I read Micaela's birth story and I MUST WRITE IT.

It is a MIRACLE that I have never punched a labor and delivery nurse. A MIRACLE I tell you. I have had seven babies in three different hospitals in two states and have only had ONE nurse who didn't deserve a sock in the jaw.

I honestly believe that you must be a decent and caring person to want to go into nursing at all. And I have encountered plenty of nurses in other settings who seem to have a perfectly human regard for others. But if you put one in the labor and delivery ward she immediately turns into a prison matron. Only meaner.

My labor and delivery nurses have been dismissive and condescending and fear-mongering and bossy. It always takes my OB coming in to overrule them so I can do things like . . . walk around, or drink things, or not drink things.

Then once the baby comes the baby nurse swoops in to bruskly remove the baby from my incompetent arms and detail all the ways that raising babies properly has changed in the last two years, while the other lady jabs repeatedly me in the stomach for my own good.

Imma let you in on a little secret, learned at great personal cost: the answer to the question: "How long did baby nurse?" is: "Fifteen minutes on each side." This is the answer you must give. There are no other acceptable answers. It doesn't matter if you have exclusively breastfed seven babies and feel that what works for you to to let baby nurse to sleep on one side, then switch to the other next time. That is NOT an approved answer. This is a Catholic blog, but if you ever want the baby nurse to leave and let you sleep, YOU MUST LIE. That's all there is to it. She is the Red Queen. All ways are her ways. And if you ever want to get that blood pressure cuff off you better tell her what she wants to hear.

like it? buy it here!

I have had one super sweet labor and delivery nurse, when I had Frankie. I'm pretty sure she was new. I can only imagine she was severely reprimanded for leaving us pretty much to our own devices to have the baby. But we sure did appreciate it.

Anyway, I haven't punched anyone yet, but probably only because the husband knows better than to leave me alone with them.

. . . but they don't because a lot of Argentinan guys' mamas raised them right.

The husband is always telling our boys that you don't punch girls -- even when they deserve it. And boy did these "ladies" deserve it. But apparently not a single one of them got punched.

Or if you prefer a less sarcastic version, try here:

Violent mob of topless pro-abort feminists attacks praying men defending cathedral

. . . but maybe you've misjudged them?

I've seen you on Facebook, and I know you want to punch anyone who has ever written Xmas. But perhaps you've been too hasty?

An interesting read at Mentalfloss:
Lots of people think that the X in Xmas is a secular watering down of the word Christ. You know, a "we love to celebrate the holiday but don’t believe in Jesus" sort of thing. However, that's not the origin of the X.
The X actually comes from the Greek letter Chi, which is the first letter of Χρήστος. And if that’s all Greek to you, Χρήστος, of course, means Christ.
According to Etymology Online, the abbreviation dates back to 1551, when it appeared as X'temmas. Around 1100, the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle used Xres mæsse, where Xp- or Xr- corresponded to "Chr."
So . . . simma down Facebook. Simma down.

Annnnnnd, I'm all out of
punching related takes.

Frankly, I think it's pretty remarkable that I came up with six. But here's a funny ecard:


p.s. That Christmas Novena Booklet I tried to make for you guys has been punching ME in the face. But I think I finally have it sorted out. (I hope!) Anyway, I put the whole thing into a word document, and made THAT a pdf, and when I print it out on my printer I can select the "booklet" option, and it works. Here's the new one. Please let me know if it's still not working for you and I'll try again.

Here's what it would look like if I were a cupcake and was punching it back:

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